Why I wanna be a pirate

Chrissy says I haven't posted in a while so until I actually post some exploits and shenanigans I thought I would post the "Why I wanna be a Pirate" essay I entered in the second annual Talk Like a Pirate day contest on the CM message board.

Enjoy.

Ahem, this piece is entitled, "Why I wanna be a Pirate when I Grow up . . ."

It is a well-known maxim that women on board boats . . . erm . . . ships are bad luck. Knowing this, and really you should know this as it's well-known (see above), you might think my campaign for piracy would be destined for a short drop and a sudden stop as so many pirates themselves are destined in these troubled times. However, I would say to you, "Gar, matey, ye couldn't be more wrong if you ordered a nice dry Chardonnay instead of grog at the local tavern, or named your parrot something other than Polly, or failed to have an obvious handicap of the eye, leg, or hand variety."

Even now in the privacy of my own room, I laugh at your wrongness and say to you acurst doubters in my mind, "Avast, ye young scalawags, if ye want to be known as the most fearsome pirate ship in these seven seas, ye'll let it be known ye fear nothing, not even the hands of a cruel fate or the tempestuous sea. And to do that, ye can do naught better than to have a stalwart young lass on board."

So I would make a natural candidate for a life of piracy. After all, these superstitions can't be right, I've been on boats . . . that is to say . . . ships many times before without mishap or malady.

Also, I think the ocean is pretty. Erm . . . the end . . . Argh!!