I just want to let you know . . .

You guys are terrible at being adoring fans.

WTF, MySpace? WTF?

Why did all the bands I like decide to make it so I can't have their music on my MySpace? MC Lars has a song called "Download this Song" that they're too good to let me have on my profile. Whatever. Screw you guys!!!

Do still check out MC Lars though. Most of you will massively enjoy the "Hot Topic is Not Punk Rock" song. Tres funny.

When do I get to leave here again?

You have to be a special kind of stupid to be unable to turn on any water source without drenching the entire floor of the room you are in. The bathroom, I kinda get, but our kitchen is pretty damn big.

Edit: Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the laziness involved in filling the trash can until the bag rips and then leaving milk cartons on the floor beside the trash can rather than taking the trash out.

An Open Letter to the Producers of Fox's House and More Generally to all Television Producers*

Dear Producers of Fox's House and other television shows,

Do you know how many people die on average in a year? No, this letter is not a threat. Approximately 2,443,387 die each year.**

What does that have to do with you?

Good question, obviously, you're the sort of people who don't want to waste their time on things that don't matter.

Assuming that people are dying at all times of year equally (which I guess you could quibble about if you were the sort of sick person who wanted to determine when people were most likely to die. You aren't those sort of people, are you???), we can assume that in a three month, say June through August, period 615,867.4 people will die. In case you were wondering, the .4 person will probably die shortly after midnight at the end of the three months; he's only partly dead.

So in June, July and August, over half a million people are going to die. They'll die from heart disease, cancer, diabetes, flu/pneumonia, even from nephrosis (that has nothing to do with fucking dead people . . . sicko). Almost 27,000 of them will die from accidents in those three months. My point is not all of these are old people who just don't care anymore and have lost all interest in the world around them. Some of these people were just trying to clean out the gutters because their wives wouldn't quit nagging at them and all of the sudden -- whoops!

Some of these people watch your show. 615,867 people will never have the chance to find out if House is going to live (okay, so it's a given that he's going to live because otherwise you would have to change the name of the show, but some people aren't as clever as you and me), will never find out if Cameron and House are going to do it, will never find out if Foreman will ever confess his burgeoning attraction to House, will never find out if House is really giving Cutty injections of heroine (you know, as a really funny joke that only he would get. Do you really want to live with that kind of guilt?

In addition, you ended the season really badly. 90% of the episode was a dream. A dream? So is Bobby going to come back from the dead next season too? Essentially, your season finale was like telling 615,897 people half of a story, then telling them that yes, that outfit makes them look fat, and you never really liked their cooking right before they die.

Smooth.

Sincerely,
Lynn Dalsing

* Open letters seem to be all the rage these days. But if you feel like being a rebel, you can consider this a closed letter.

** Stats according to National Center for Health Statistics

Hope you're ready to do some reading . . .

Because this is going to be my main online forum for at least a little while. With that in mind, here's an article from Adfreak that some of you will find more interesting than others. You'll notice I couldn't keep my mouth shut and had to say something at the bottom. Oops.


Pinup Barbies

The new car

Not a bad picture for a cheapie digital camera. Not a great one either, but you get the idea.

World Horror Con 2006

So I went to World Horror Con. Scratch that, I went to the Bizarro Books World Horror Con After-Party. I know you all feel special just knowing me, but try to take the excitement down a notch.

I went with Nicole from the Chris Moore board. She's going to have her book published by a publishing house that published Bizarro Books (I did not previously know that this was a genre. You learn something every day). So she wanted to meet her editors, et al while they were in the Northern California area (as opposed to Seattle). I just went because, well, now I can say I was at World Horror Con. I'm never going to pay to go to a horror or sci-fi convention so now I've had the experience without the cost. Always a plus.

It was kind of a trip. I'm rarely in the coolest 10% of people in a room. Oddly, it felt about like being in the least cool 10% of the room. I totally did not fit in there. Still everyone was super nice, and they gave me free beer. Which was home-brewed and each kind of beer was one of the labels that Bizarro Books publish under. For example, the label Nicole is being published by was an Amber Ale. I drank that, and then gave Nicole the bottle (She did ask for it. I didn't make her take it). Her editor told her that maybe one day, she could have the cover of her book on a bottle of Afterbirth Beer. Nicole was not that excited by that. I don't blame her.

All in all, a fun evening. I met someone from a book store (Note the trouble I went to to avoid any google-able names. I've learned a lesson. Hopefully, it was my lesson and not someone else's) who was on Chris Moore's blog. When I misunderstood this to mean that she posted on the message board, I was quickly corrected. She was actually in the blog. Not like in the computer server that stores the blog, like Chris mentioned her in the blog. I know I'm a fan geek, but I don't cream myself every time that Chris responds to a post of mine. Hell, he obliquely mentioned me in a news article, and I'm not sitting around building a shrine to my brush with greatness. He's just a guy. Note: This statement no longer applies if he ever, in the course of writing the pilot that he's writing, meets Vince Vaughn and can get me the hook-up. Obviously, VV and I are meant to be together, but no need to wait on destiny, right?

Well, Chrissy will be calling me CP if I go on any longer, and it's late. It's so late that I'm obliged to say Happy Mother's Day because it is in fact Mother's Day in MO. So happy, happy! I think I'll wait 'til later to call Mom, though . . . .