Anyone want to volunteer

for this?

I just have to know.

A Random Selection of my Thoughts for Your Perusal

Some good Ali quotes:
1. "Douche kitten" -- Yes, this is an actual insult that my sister used in reference to me. I think she's entirely too excited about the new kitten she's been promised. On the other hand, my mother spent the cruise calling my sister and I "hoe-bags." So we know where Ali gets her language. I, of course, don't talk like that at all. Except for most of the time.

2. "If you call someone who's boring vanilla, then I think you and I are like Bertie Botts Every Flavor ice cream." -- I like to think that this is a pretty fair assessment.

Some other random points:

1. I've never kept such good track of my cell phone or kept it so regularly well charged as I have for the last few weeks. It's a lot of work to be this responsible.

2. What am I going to wear in exactly 43 days? Chrissy? Ali? Mom? This is an important question.

3. How did I manage to spend as much money as I spent last month? And why did none of you stop me?

4. I have a pretty new shirt, bracelet, and ring! Pictures may or may not be forthcoming. (On a side note, I may have just had an epiphany regarding number 3).

5. Who took my measuring tape? I need it to finish the back of my sweater that has been in progress for decades. Yes, decades.

So I was at Target today

And I saw someone who was incredibly nice. How do I know? She had obviously let a blind person do her make-up. Which is kind of sweet, you know?

Oops, my bitchiness is showing. That's the second time today. Someone get me a safety pin or something.

Oops, can't forget this one

I promise I'll be better tomorrow. I think they got the alcohol part, but my caffiene addiction level is low? Is not.

You Are an Irish Coffee

At your best, you are: wild, spontaneous, and outgoing At your worst, you are: too extreme and reckless You drink coffee when: you want to keep drinking booze Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Oh God, I've rediscovered BlogThings

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

And this one:

You Are Socks!

Cozy and warm... but easily lost. You make a good puppet.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

I am not a good puppet. Well, maybe.

I kind of figured this one would turn out this way when I responded that Yes, Easter is a religious holiday -- I worship at the altar of Peeps. Peep, Peep!

You Are Peeps

You're the type that's more likely to play with your food than actually eat it.

What Easter Candy Are You?

Greatest picture ever

I think this has something to do with the World Cup/Zidane Head Butt Debacle, but doesn't it look like the Lego Boys are getting it on?

Girls for Lego on Lego Action. Inside joke.

For the record

This morning I decided that I loathe the use of the word "innocent" as a noun. I will henceforth refuse to understand the word used that way in all speech and writing. Please adjust your communications accordingly.

Some things to remember

1. If you don't eat before you take your vitamins, the vitamins get hungry and try to eat your flesh from the stomach out.

2. It's not good to wake up at 6 am after going to sleep at 1 am.

3. Don't randomly decide to add a mile to the middle of what was going to be a 2 mile run. Especially not when the last mile is a steady upward slope.

4. If you decide to run 3 miles for no reason, for God's sake, don't go for a long walk over by the ocean. I'm really tired now.

5. Be careful when parking in North Beach. People attempt to commit suicide using your car as a weapon.

6. Driving on the hills on Filbert will seriously make you lose your appetite. I thought I was going to toss my cookies. Not cool in the new car.

7. One of the greatest things about the Sunset is that the streets going north-south are numbered, and the streets going east-west are in alphabetical order. It would take an act of God for even me to get lost. It helps that the ocean always tells you which way is west.

8. I love Billy Joel. In general, the 80s were great times. I can totally identify with a decade where the drug of choice was cocaine. No injections. You never have to sleep again. And nosebleeds are hot, right?

Contrast that with the 90s. Heroin? What the hell? I'm gonna stick a needle in my vein for a high from a souped up version of granny's pain meds? No.

'Course, I did have that nasty marker sniffing addiction during the 80s. You know, the fruity smelling ones. It was tough to quit.

9. Lynn shouldn't read other people's stories. 'Cuz we all know what happens then.

10. Don't get into a fight with a pigeon. We all know who would win.

11. People who read this blog should comment. It makes me happy.